Liberation

Thought 1:
What is ministry? Seems like a simple question doesn't it? Especially for someone who has grown up in the church. Funny thing is I don't know what ministry is. Or at least you wouldn't think so by the way I live my life. I don't think the Church entirely knows what ministry is either.

Maybe ministry means living life. Living life as if you loved Jesus Christ with all of your heart. Allowing this love to soak up every action, thought and motive that drives you to do the things you do that makes up your life.

Maybe that's what church is. All these people living life together. HOW LIBERATING! How very liberating! You mean I can do the thing which I feel most gifted, the thing that I enjoy the most and call it ministry? If you do it with the right motives...absolutely. With the right intentions...yes. The thing that I do day in and day out can be considered ministry. As long as my intention is to show the love of Christ to the people around me.

Thought 2:
I am so bored with my church experience. It seems like the church is dead. The institutional church anyway. I don't feel like it pushes me closer to God. I don't think church helps with my spiritual life. And I think I have felt this way for a while. A long while. So many people feel the same way. There are people out there who are thinking to themselves, "man this is really boring and lame" and they don't want to say anything. They think that this is what they're supposed to do. This is the mark of a good christian. Being committed to this organization. All the while the most spirtiually moving moments of their lives occure on the 6 other days of the week.

Why is this? For me a huge part of it is the fact that I don't think church really plays a relevant role in my life other than providing a great social circle. It doesn't have application. Maybe I'll develope that thought later on. Actually a huge part of that is the fact that it seems like everyone and everything at church is fake. Everyone puts on there church faces and attitudes. No one deals with the mess in there lives. No one deals with the issues that they're facing. If that doesn't happen then I say it isn't relevant.

I don't really feel like I've been part of the solution though. I'm part of the fake church machine. I'm part of the plastic church. I'm a plastic christian in a plastic church. Squeaky clean. Except I'm not. Neither is the church. And who cares if it is. It's all fake!

So how do I become a part of the solution? Therein lies the dilemma. I don't know.

I do know that at no time before have I fealt so ready and willing to say the simple phrase, "I don't know". I don't know what I believe about this or that. I don't know what the Bible says about that. I dont' know how to minister to you. I do know how to love. I do know how to listen. Maybe that's all the ministry that needs to be done sometimes. But I do not have to be afraid of the unknown. I do not have to be fearfull of being taken to the edge of certainty and into the realm of uncertainty.

HOW LIBERATING IS THAT!

Where do I go from here? Who knows. It may be pitch black out there but at least my eyes are open.