I was taking a shower the other day and as I was drying off I started thinking about how over 2 months ago I got a call from Dad telling me about mom. I had just gotten back from camping with Brett up in the Mountains. It was beautiful up there. Sometime I think God allowed me to experience His light before He took me into the darkness.
But as I was drying off I started thinking about how after getting home that day I got all my things together to go down to the hospital where my mom was staying. Everything seemed so weird. Like the air I was breathing was jelly or something.
That time seems so long ago. It didn't seem real.
And I'm thinking to myself, "did that really happen? Is my mom really gone?" I look around me and I see a shampoo bottle. My mom always gave me boxes of bathroom supplies. Randomly. I think sometimes she didn't think I thought about buying the everyday things and she just wanted to help me out. I don't think I ever spent money on shampoo or soap before mom was diagnosed with cancer.
I buy my own shampoo now. Lever 2000 is the cheapest soap I've found and you can get it in bulk. I almost don't want to finish off this last bottle of shampoo. It's the last one mom got me before she left us.
I don't know if thats a weird thought. I don't know what is a normal thought after going through something like this. I do know that one thought goes through my head on a regular basis that probably is normal...
...I miss mom.
Friday, September 24, 2004
Thursday, September 23, 2004
Sink or Swim
I was talking to a friend today about living out my faith and just kind of working through that right now and he said something really meaningful to me.
He said that when it comes to swimming, you can read about how to do it all your life. When it comes time to swim however, that's a different story. You'll sink as fast as anyone else if you haven't done it before.
I feel like up until now, when it comes to my faith, I have been reading and reading and reading. I've never actually lived it out. Yeah I mean I've lived life and gone to church and done the Christian thing. But I haven't actually started swimming.
I think I'm in the process of learning to swim now. Maybe I was treading water all along but I just had some water wings on or something. Those things always gave me a rash.
Anyway, It's time to swim.
I hope I don't sink.
He said that when it comes to swimming, you can read about how to do it all your life. When it comes time to swim however, that's a different story. You'll sink as fast as anyone else if you haven't done it before.
I feel like up until now, when it comes to my faith, I have been reading and reading and reading. I've never actually lived it out. Yeah I mean I've lived life and gone to church and done the Christian thing. But I haven't actually started swimming.
I think I'm in the process of learning to swim now. Maybe I was treading water all along but I just had some water wings on or something. Those things always gave me a rash.
Anyway, It's time to swim.
I hope I don't sink.
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
Walls and Tupperware
A church building doesn't simply place brick and mortar between its worship gatherings and the outside elements but it places walls between our worship gatherings and the rest of the world.
A church's walls are made up of much more than simply brick and mortar. They are built with such materials as tradition, isolation, ignorance, fear and apathy all of which provide a convenient way of containing and storing one's faith.
The church today is a Rubbermaid Tupperware container that is water and air tight that doesn't allow anything from the outside to come in and anything from the inside to get out.
A church's walls are made up of much more than simply brick and mortar. They are built with such materials as tradition, isolation, ignorance, fear and apathy all of which provide a convenient way of containing and storing one's faith.
The church today is a Rubbermaid Tupperware container that is water and air tight that doesn't allow anything from the outside to come in and anything from the inside to get out.
More on Coffee
So I looked up the Dazbog Coffee website and there is a "Giving back to the community" section on there site too. Maybe it's just coffee companies. Maybe they're more aware of the needs of the community than other organizations.
Which leads me to another thought....are coffee companies doing a better job at reaching out to the community than the church?
Which leads me to another thought....are coffee companies doing a better job at reaching out to the community than the church?
The Thing About Starbucks
This morning I passed a drive thru Starbucks on my way to work and the line went clear out into the main road that it sits next to.
What is it that causes people to flock to the dimly lit, coffee filled lairs of Starbucks all across this nation? Is it for the coffee or is it for something else. Perhaps while it may provide the general public with a tasty source of caffeine, it may also offer a place where people can commune and share life together.
As I write this I'm looking at one of many fliers Starbucks puts out that talks about giving back to the community. It would seem like there is a very strong under current to everything Starbucks puts out (print, website etc.) that stands up for people all the way from the coffee field workers of South America to the communities that you find these Starbucks in. Not to mention the care they give to there employees (download some of there mission statement material from the website and you'll know what I'm talking about).
So perhaps part of this Starbucks phenomenon is that people feel like they're contributing to something bigger than themselves.
Then again maybe I'm just over spiritualizing things and people are really just interested in feeding their addictions. Helping the community is just a side benefit.
But is this Starbucks thing really just about coffee? Next thing you'll be telling me is that this iPod thing is just about music. Come on!
What is it that causes people to flock to the dimly lit, coffee filled lairs of Starbucks all across this nation? Is it for the coffee or is it for something else. Perhaps while it may provide the general public with a tasty source of caffeine, it may also offer a place where people can commune and share life together.
As I write this I'm looking at one of many fliers Starbucks puts out that talks about giving back to the community. It would seem like there is a very strong under current to everything Starbucks puts out (print, website etc.) that stands up for people all the way from the coffee field workers of South America to the communities that you find these Starbucks in. Not to mention the care they give to there employees (download some of there mission statement material from the website and you'll know what I'm talking about).
So perhaps part of this Starbucks phenomenon is that people feel like they're contributing to something bigger than themselves.
Then again maybe I'm just over spiritualizing things and people are really just interested in feeding their addictions. Helping the community is just a side benefit.
But is this Starbucks thing really just about coffee? Next thing you'll be telling me is that this iPod thing is just about music. Come on!
Who am I?
So I finally filled out my profile for this blog. I gave my name, birthday etc. And it comes up with all this useless info such as your sign and info on the year you were born in. All they could come up with for that one is that 1979 is the year of the sheep. Lame. Couldn’t I get something cool like a large jungle cat or or an eagle or something. I just learned via Napolean Dynamite of the Liger, a leopard/tiger mix.
Now there’s an animal I can stand behind.
So apparently I’m a Libra. Here are the character traits that must describe me:
Diplomatic and Urbane
Romantic and Charming
Easygoing and Sociable
Idealistic and Peaceable
On the dark side....
Indecisive and Changeable
Gullible and Easily Infuenced
Flirtatious and Self-indulgent
Bummer. I guess I didn’t know myself at all. Now I don’t buy into this crap so this is all kind of a joke to me. But I do think some of these traits are pretty accurate. I feel like I’m pretty diplomatic at times.
The definition of Urbane is as follows:
Polite, refined, and often elegant in manner.
Yeah I think I’ll take some of that. Romantic and charming...sounds good. Easygoing and sociable, idealistic and peaceable. Yeah that all fits.
Now leave out the dark side nonsense and you’ll get a pretty good idea of who I am.
Maybe there’s more to this Astrology thing than I thought.
Now there’s an animal I can stand behind.
So apparently I’m a Libra. Here are the character traits that must describe me:
Diplomatic and Urbane
Romantic and Charming
Easygoing and Sociable
Idealistic and Peaceable
On the dark side....
Indecisive and Changeable
Gullible and Easily Infuenced
Flirtatious and Self-indulgent
Bummer. I guess I didn’t know myself at all. Now I don’t buy into this crap so this is all kind of a joke to me. But I do think some of these traits are pretty accurate. I feel like I’m pretty diplomatic at times.
The definition of Urbane is as follows:
Polite, refined, and often elegant in manner.
Yeah I think I’ll take some of that. Romantic and charming...sounds good. Easygoing and sociable, idealistic and peaceable. Yeah that all fits.
Now leave out the dark side nonsense and you’ll get a pretty good idea of who I am.
Maybe there’s more to this Astrology thing than I thought.
Monday, September 20, 2004
Homosexuality Part 2
No I still don't struggle with it. But I just read an article about, essentially, how we need to fight the passing of the legalization of same sex marriage. Christians are all up in arms about how homosexual marriage is tearing this nation apart and how the definition of marriage is being destroyed. Since the article was published in a magazine entitled "Christian Citizenship", essentially the author of the article succeeded in convincing an audience that his point was a valid one who already agreed with him in the first place . Nice work! The title "Christian Citizenship" bugs me for some reason. But the point of the article was, it would seem, to convince us that homosexuality is a sin and we need to fight the legalization of homosexual marriage.
Now I agree 100% that God is not for same sex marriage or same sex sexually active relationships. I also believe that there will be punishment (in this life or the life to come) for those who embrace and practice the homosexual lifestyle who do not seek out the forgiveness that is found in Jesus Christ.
A side note: There is a difference between people who struggle with homosexuality and people who actively pursue this lifestyle.
But my question is if we actually succeed in keeping the homosexual marriage thing from being legalized will that simply be a band aid on a gushing wound? Do you think someone cares about what God's thoughts are on homosexuality who doesn't even know who God is? From the world's perspective I would say that Christians seem like heartless pricks who just want to keep the homosexual brother down and oppressed.
With all the energy we put into protesting and fighting the homosexual movement its not a surprise that when it comes time to show love and minister through action to those around us who are hurting and have no hope we simply don't have the energy or the desire. Because once you decide who the enemy is (in this case the homosexual community and liberals) then how can you possibly love them? What would it matter anyway? You just got done shouting at them and telling them that they are going to burn in hell....by the way let me rake your lawn.
Now I agree 100% that God is not for same sex marriage or same sex sexually active relationships. I also believe that there will be punishment (in this life or the life to come) for those who embrace and practice the homosexual lifestyle who do not seek out the forgiveness that is found in Jesus Christ.
A side note: There is a difference between people who struggle with homosexuality and people who actively pursue this lifestyle.
But my question is if we actually succeed in keeping the homosexual marriage thing from being legalized will that simply be a band aid on a gushing wound? Do you think someone cares about what God's thoughts are on homosexuality who doesn't even know who God is? From the world's perspective I would say that Christians seem like heartless pricks who just want to keep the homosexual brother down and oppressed.
With all the energy we put into protesting and fighting the homosexual movement its not a surprise that when it comes time to show love and minister through action to those around us who are hurting and have no hope we simply don't have the energy or the desire. Because once you decide who the enemy is (in this case the homosexual community and liberals) then how can you possibly love them? What would it matter anyway? You just got done shouting at them and telling them that they are going to burn in hell....by the way let me rake your lawn.
Sunday, September 19, 2004
Church
So I'm working through these thoughts about the church and it's role in my life and the role I play or should be playing in the lives of the lost around me. I'm reading Present Future. It's awesome. It's putting into words what I've been feeling for a long time.
more later...
more later...
Friday, September 17, 2004
Homosexuality
No I don't struggle with it. I have a thought on the subject however. I was reading an article on Relevant's site and I'm thinking about experiences that I've had and heard about in regards to Christians witnessing to gays.
I think we're going about it all wrong. I think we tend to focus in on that sin and approach these people with the intention of changing them, in this area, so that they can come to know Christ as their savior. But why don't we focus in on any other sin that people carry in their lives before they are, "ready to come to Christ".
No, what needs to happen is we need to show the love of Christ to them. In order for any homosexual to come to Christ they have to fall in love with Him right? How can you expect to tell them that they need to change and leave this "sinful lifestyle" behind them when they don't love God. What's the motivation. All your inviting them into from their perspective is to live the life of a monk.
Shoot! I wouldn't give any Christian the time of day if I was gay and they approached me with that mentality. I mean would you?
I think we're going about it all wrong. I think we tend to focus in on that sin and approach these people with the intention of changing them, in this area, so that they can come to know Christ as their savior. But why don't we focus in on any other sin that people carry in their lives before they are, "ready to come to Christ".
No, what needs to happen is we need to show the love of Christ to them. In order for any homosexual to come to Christ they have to fall in love with Him right? How can you expect to tell them that they need to change and leave this "sinful lifestyle" behind them when they don't love God. What's the motivation. All your inviting them into from their perspective is to live the life of a monk.
Shoot! I wouldn't give any Christian the time of day if I was gay and they approached me with that mentality. I mean would you?
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
Liberation
Thought 1:
What is ministry? Seems like a simple question doesn't it? Especially for someone who has grown up in the church. Funny thing is I don't know what ministry is. Or at least you wouldn't think so by the way I live my life. I don't think the Church entirely knows what ministry is either.
Maybe ministry means living life. Living life as if you loved Jesus Christ with all of your heart. Allowing this love to soak up every action, thought and motive that drives you to do the things you do that makes up your life.
Maybe that's what church is. All these people living life together. HOW LIBERATING! How very liberating! You mean I can do the thing which I feel most gifted, the thing that I enjoy the most and call it ministry? If you do it with the right motives...absolutely. With the right intentions...yes. The thing that I do day in and day out can be considered ministry. As long as my intention is to show the love of Christ to the people around me.
Thought 2:
I am so bored with my church experience. It seems like the church is dead. The institutional church anyway. I don't feel like it pushes me closer to God. I don't think church helps with my spiritual life. And I think I have felt this way for a while. A long while. So many people feel the same way. There are people out there who are thinking to themselves, "man this is really boring and lame" and they don't want to say anything. They think that this is what they're supposed to do. This is the mark of a good christian. Being committed to this organization. All the while the most spirtiually moving moments of their lives occure on the 6 other days of the week.
Why is this? For me a huge part of it is the fact that I don't think church really plays a relevant role in my life other than providing a great social circle. It doesn't have application. Maybe I'll develope that thought later on. Actually a huge part of that is the fact that it seems like everyone and everything at church is fake. Everyone puts on there church faces and attitudes. No one deals with the mess in there lives. No one deals with the issues that they're facing. If that doesn't happen then I say it isn't relevant.
I don't really feel like I've been part of the solution though. I'm part of the fake church machine. I'm part of the plastic church. I'm a plastic christian in a plastic church. Squeaky clean. Except I'm not. Neither is the church. And who cares if it is. It's all fake!
So how do I become a part of the solution? Therein lies the dilemma. I don't know.
I do know that at no time before have I fealt so ready and willing to say the simple phrase, "I don't know". I don't know what I believe about this or that. I don't know what the Bible says about that. I dont' know how to minister to you. I do know how to love. I do know how to listen. Maybe that's all the ministry that needs to be done sometimes. But I do not have to be afraid of the unknown. I do not have to be fearfull of being taken to the edge of certainty and into the realm of uncertainty.
HOW LIBERATING IS THAT!
Where do I go from here? Who knows. It may be pitch black out there but at least my eyes are open.
What is ministry? Seems like a simple question doesn't it? Especially for someone who has grown up in the church. Funny thing is I don't know what ministry is. Or at least you wouldn't think so by the way I live my life. I don't think the Church entirely knows what ministry is either.
Maybe ministry means living life. Living life as if you loved Jesus Christ with all of your heart. Allowing this love to soak up every action, thought and motive that drives you to do the things you do that makes up your life.
Maybe that's what church is. All these people living life together. HOW LIBERATING! How very liberating! You mean I can do the thing which I feel most gifted, the thing that I enjoy the most and call it ministry? If you do it with the right motives...absolutely. With the right intentions...yes. The thing that I do day in and day out can be considered ministry. As long as my intention is to show the love of Christ to the people around me.
Thought 2:
I am so bored with my church experience. It seems like the church is dead. The institutional church anyway. I don't feel like it pushes me closer to God. I don't think church helps with my spiritual life. And I think I have felt this way for a while. A long while. So many people feel the same way. There are people out there who are thinking to themselves, "man this is really boring and lame" and they don't want to say anything. They think that this is what they're supposed to do. This is the mark of a good christian. Being committed to this organization. All the while the most spirtiually moving moments of their lives occure on the 6 other days of the week.
Why is this? For me a huge part of it is the fact that I don't think church really plays a relevant role in my life other than providing a great social circle. It doesn't have application. Maybe I'll develope that thought later on. Actually a huge part of that is the fact that it seems like everyone and everything at church is fake. Everyone puts on there church faces and attitudes. No one deals with the mess in there lives. No one deals with the issues that they're facing. If that doesn't happen then I say it isn't relevant.
I don't really feel like I've been part of the solution though. I'm part of the fake church machine. I'm part of the plastic church. I'm a plastic christian in a plastic church. Squeaky clean. Except I'm not. Neither is the church. And who cares if it is. It's all fake!
So how do I become a part of the solution? Therein lies the dilemma. I don't know.
I do know that at no time before have I fealt so ready and willing to say the simple phrase, "I don't know". I don't know what I believe about this or that. I don't know what the Bible says about that. I dont' know how to minister to you. I do know how to love. I do know how to listen. Maybe that's all the ministry that needs to be done sometimes. But I do not have to be afraid of the unknown. I do not have to be fearfull of being taken to the edge of certainty and into the realm of uncertainty.
HOW LIBERATING IS THAT!
Where do I go from here? Who knows. It may be pitch black out there but at least my eyes are open.
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