Man keeping a blog updated with posts is difficult. At least for me. I know a few other people who have the same issue.
So I just moved. I hate moving. It's depressing. I think as I get older the fact that certain things are depressing to me doesn't change but I think the understanding that this moment won't last for very long becomes solidified in my mind. Change in one's life is like chapters in a book. Only in a book you pass from chapter to chapter without hesitation. For me these chapters of life require a lot of reflection. Sometimes this reflection causes me to relive the passing of chapters in my past. Which can be difficult depending on the chapter.
To bring it to a head I think that with every change that occurs in my life that takes me away from how life was when mom died causes me to feel like I am leaving her behind.
I wonder if that will ever become easier.
2 comments:
It seems like so many people around me are dealing with loss, mainly through death. How often I consider you and your "situation." I don't like calling it that but what else do I say? Maybe, I consider your journey...? Anyway, my heart has been hurting for those around me who are experiencing loss and to be honest, for awhile there I was crying quite often. I was talking to one of my friends, who has her masters in counseling, and she said something along the lines of, "you don't ever get over these things, but you learn to deal with them." Coping. Now there's a concept. There are times when I fear my coping is also desensitizing me to the hurt and the pain that those around me are going through, its making me forget... and then there are the times when I realize that some of that is just "learning to deal." But how do we not leave our loved ones behind? Perhaps, only God knows. Sometimes we just have to stop and rest in Him. I’m still working on that one.
I suppose there is that whole just taking time to stop and remember them, to remember who they were and what they stood for- and passing those things on to others. Yeah, that’s important. But it doesn’t stop the questions and the other thoughts and emotions and analyzing of the situation at hand. Tough stuff…tough stuff.
Bomber, you will never leave her behind, no matter how far you go from where you were then. The crappy part is that we feel like we are. That it is hard at time for us to be happy and enjoy life because that means somehow we don't miss the ones we have lost. That's crap. I sometimes wish we had a mourning period like in the Bible, then we can mourn and be sad and then move on with life, without feeling like we are forgetting or leaving anyone behind...
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